


Later Than Never

by crisiskris



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dark Mark, Flashbacks, M/M, Regrets, Young Severus Snape, wrong love at the wrong time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:06:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crisiskris/pseuds/crisiskris
Summary: As Draco prepares to receive the Dark Mark, Severus reflects on his past with Malfoy Sr.





	Later Than Never

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Severus Snape Fuh-q Fest (3rd wave) in response to the challenge, "Snape receives some bad news". Not consistent with canon. Written before I knew that Narcissa was a Black cousin.

  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
-Present Day-

Years of experience hiding his reactions were the only thing that prevented Severus Snape from dropping his fork with a clang after hearing Narcissa's words. As it was, he couldn't quite conceal his look of surprise, though he fervently hoped that the horror didn't show through. "So soon?" he asked, taken aback. "But he's so young!"

Lucius Malfoy raised an eyebrow, reaching for his wine. "Really, Severus, you surprise me. I wasn't that much older when I took the mark."

"A lot of things were different then."

"Indeed," Lucius smiled at him suggestively, earning himself a black look from his wife.

"Lucius, darling, could I speak with you in the kitchen for a moment?" she asked silkily, standing up.

Lucius sighed, but complied. "Won't be a moment, old man," he said as he followed the statuesque woman. Severus acknowledged him with a wave of his hand, but in reality he wasn't even paying attention. Draco will be taking his mark this weekend, he, thought, still not quite believing it. Even though he was well aware of his godson's feelings, it still shocked and disappointed Severus to realize that the youngest Malfoy was going to follow in his father's footsteps. In the kitchen, Narcissa was commanding her husband to stop leering at the dinner company. Snape looked at his plate, feeling lead sink into his stomach. _Draco will be taking his mark this weekend. Draco will be taking the wrong path in the end. Draco will be doing exactly what his father did, what I did._.. Memories assaulted him, fresh as the present despite the years:

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Severus' Sixth Year-

"How much do you love me?" sixteen-year-old Lucius pinned his lover against the wall, grinding his hips against the lanky boy's, trailing little kisses along his jaw line. Severus moaned despite himself.

"I love you more than there are blades of grass on the Quidditch pitch. More than there are drops of water in the lake - oh - more than Black hates me," he replied, panting. Lucius pulled back, quirking an eyebrow.

"That's a lot of love," he smirked. Severus pulled the blond boy's head closer.

"Yes, it is," he whispered against Lucius's lips. Lucius smiled genuinely, opening his mouth under Severus'. Their tongues collided, suckling, teeth nibbling on lips. Severus was achingly hard, thrusting against the older boy, growling into his mouth. "Lucius," he moaned as the blond suddenly pulled away.

"I want to show you something," Lucius said, grinning. Severus groaned, his cock throbbing. "Don't worry! I just want you to see this first." Excited, he rolled up his left sleeve. Pulsing against his arm, black and dangerous, was a familiar brand. Severus stared at it in awe, tinged with a little fear. "I got it last night; my father doesn't even know yet. I wanted it to be a surprise." When Severus said nothing, Lucius added, "It's a dark mark."

"I know what it is, you dork. My father has one, and so does yours." Severus replied, running his hands along the pale skin, feeling the raw, raised edges of the mark. Lucius shivered, but smiled.

"It's incredible," he whispered. "It's so sensitive."

"Is it?" Severus grinned, leaning down to kiss it, tracing the edges of the fresh burn with his tongue. Lucius groaned and bucked against him. "Hmmm, so it is."

Just then, a couple of Hufflepuffs came around the bend, giggling to themselves. Lucius immediately pushed away from Severus, straightening his robe. The Hufflepuffs turned red and giggled harder as they passed.

"Honestly, Lucius," Severus chided, ignoring the disappointment lurking somewhere inside him. "I don't know what impression you think you're saving. Everybody knows."

"That's not the point," the other boy said primly. They began walking toward the lake, near but not touching, in silence. After a moment, Lucius turned to the dark-haired boy. "When are you going to get yours?" he asked.

Severus shrugged. To be honest, he still wasn't sure he wanted one, so he hadn't exactly brought it up with his father yet. Fortunately, Silvanus Snape believed firmly in free will, and though he definitely had an opinion about the direction his son's life should take, he also believed that Severus needed to take the first steps on his own, so that he would be accountable for his decisions. All of this meant that Severus' sixteenth birthday had come and gone, and the only indication that anyone thought it was about time he decided had come from an offhand remark that most initiates joined as soon as they were able to apparate.

Except that Lucius wouldn't let it alone. "I mean, really, Severus, you've been 16 for three weeks now and you haven't even approached your father. I know because my father asked your father and your father said that you had yet to 'step into your responsibilities' They had a wonderful row about parental involvement; I think your father won, though it was hard to tell with all the sneering." Lucius paused for breath, smiling at his lover. "Wouldn't you like to know how it feels?" he whispered.

"Why are you going on about this?" Severus asked by way of reply, feeling vaguely annoyed. He knew he should really just take the damn mark and get it over with, but something deep within him gave him pause; it just didn't feel right. He couldn't articulate what exactly was wrong, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because Lucius wouldn't understand it if it wasn't printed in gold. He sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"Don't do that, it makes it stick out," Lucius scolded, reaching over to smooth the black hair back. "Ugh," he added as an afterthought, wiping his hands. "You may be able to produce the most amazing potions Hogwarts has ever seen, love, but it's murder on your appearance."

"Sod off." It came out a lot angrier than Severus had intended, and he saw the anger flash through Lucius' eyes before the cool, calm countenance re-established itself. "Sorry," he muttered, reaching for Lucius' hand. He didn't want to start something with Lucius in such an unpredictable mood. "I'm just grumpy."

Lucius smiled, stroking the other boy's arm. "I know what will make you feel better," he whispered. "Let's go up to my room." As a prefect, Lucius had a lot more privacy. Severus nodded, forcing a smile as he followed the other boy into the castle. The whole way along, he felt like something was looming over his shoulder, but when he looked back, there was nothing there.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

\- Present Day -

"Sorry about that, old man," Lucius' voice disrupted his reverie, and Severus opened his eyes with a start. It took him a moment to get oriented, and when he did, he found the blond man eyeing him suspiciously. "You're not ill?" he asked, surreptitiously moving away. Lucius was notoriously queasy about germs.

"No," Severus replied. "I was just thinking."

That earned him two raised eyebrows and a leer. "Were you thinking about...old times?" Lucius asked.

"As a matter of fact, I was."

The other man stood and moved around the table, sitting down just a little too close. "Any particular memories?"

"I was thinking about when you first showed me your dark mark."

Lucius smiled. "That was a good night," he said.

Severus turned in his seat, twisting away from the other man's hands. "Lucius, why did you let Draco take the mark? He's only 15, for Merlin's sake, and - loath though I know you are to admit it - not a very mature 15 at that. He's too young to make the decision properly."

"What decision?" Lucius sat down beside his old lover, waving a careless hand. "There was no decision. It was simply a matter of when."

"He's not even old enough to apparate legally. How is he going to get to meetings without getting himself expelled for underage apparation?" In a few years, Draco would be old enough - mature enough - to start thinking about the consequences of his behavior. If he could have only prevented this from happening for another year, he might have actually had a chance to change the young boy's mind. As it was, he was still young enough that he agreed with his father's rhetoric unquestioningly - and now he was going to lock himself into his father's fate with the same blind faith! Severus ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

"Don't do that..." Lucius began automatically.

"It makes it stick out, yes I know, you tell me all the time." Severus sighed, leaning in toward his friend. "Lucius, it is of the utmost importance that with a decision of such significance as this, Draco be able to go into it being able to say that he has thought about this thoroughly, that he's reflected on the implications... he needs to take this step of his own volition, not just because you decide it's time. Otherwise how can he ever be accountable for his actions?"

"You sound like your father," Lucius replied, a hint of anger underneath the dismissive tone.

"Well maybe he was right!" Severus exclaimed.

Lucius' expression grew hard, all the seductiveness disappearing. He banged his fist against the table. "No! I am Draco's father and I know what is best for him! I'm tired of you second-guessing my decisions, lecturing me about consequences and regrets. You know something, Severus? The only thing I regret was that my own father didn't allow me to get my mark even earlier than I did! If I could have taken it when I was 12, I would have!" He glared at the other man. "And you know that is how Draco feels. Why should I deny him what he wants just because other people think they can determine his maturity level for him?

Severus sighed, fighting off the inward rush of despair. He should have known - no one loves a Dark Lord more than a Malfoy, wasn't that what they used to say when they were young? He had failed, despite all his best efforts to counter Lucius' ideological teachings with a more moderate viewpoint. Draco didn't care. Draco was taking his dark mark. Draco *wanted* to be a Death Eater. This is hell, he realized suddenly. Not what I experienced. Knowing someone else is about to willingly enter into what I fought to get out of. This is hell.

He was interrupted from his reflection by Lucius' voice, low and inviting. "You know, I do have one other regret..." Severus nodded, indicating the blond man should continue. "I regret that anything ever came between us." Lucius was smiling softly now, reaching for the Potions master's hand.

Severus stood, pretending he hadn't seen his once lover reach for him. "I think I shall retire now," he announced, moving toward the door. "I'll see you in the morning." He left swiftly, before the disappointed look could flit across Lucius' face, and before he could change his mind.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night, Severus lay awake under the moonlight, staring up at the ceiling. His left arm itched horribly, as it often had since the Dark Lord had returned. This in and of itself shouldn't have been enough to keep him awake, but there were other things on his mind as well. Lucius, mostly, and Draco. He sighed, rolling onto his side and staring at the wall for a change. Lucius' words kept running through his mind, and he was angry that part of him actually wanted to believe that the other man regretted anything that had happened between them. He sighed again, flopping back onto his back. Well, he reflected, Lucius probably did regret it. He just didn't understand that he had caused the wedge that had come between them in the first place. In fact, he had married the damn wedge! Memories overtook him once again, as the first rays of dawn began creeping into the sky.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Severus' Seventh Year-

"It's really nothing, Sev, it's politics, that's all," Lucius waved his hand dismissively, leaning in to kiss his lover. The dark-haired man pulled back and turned his head away. "And when you're fucking her to make your precious heirs, will it still be nothing, just politics?" he replied bitterly.

Lucius sighed. "Severus, please," he said. "You know how important the Montague family is - it's strategic, that's all. Please try and understand." A sweet pout graced Lucius' fine features, one that Severus rarely resisted.

This time it wasn't working. "Do you love me?" Severus demanded. "Of course I do, of course."

"Then why don't you tell your father to shove his politics up his ass? Why don't you commit to me, instead of marrying that - that stuck up troll?!" He was aware that his voice was rising, but Severus didn't feel like stopping it. He felt out of control, and he wanted Lucius to know it.

"Lover, please, you know I can't do that. It's the way it's got to be - my father arranged this marriage. I can't get out of it."

"You *won't* get out of it." Severus looked at the blond man accusingly. "You care more about your name than about me." He cut off Lucius' attempt to protest with a sharp, impatient gesture. "Well I hope that name comforts you, Lucius, because if you think Narcissa will let you touch her again, once you've given her a baby, you are sadly mistaken."

Lucius sniffed. "I don't want to touch her. I'll probably have to get dead drunk just to get in bed with her. I don't intend to let this silly arrangement get in the way of my love life." He reached for Severus again. "Nothing has to change, Severus, not between us."

"Everything has to change, Lucius!" Severus pulled away, clenching his fists. "You - you tell me that you love me and you want to be with me, me and no other, and then you go and get married. I don't want to have to let you go so you can go home to your wife! I want you to be with me, and to tell the world that you're with me. If you can't do that..." he trailed off, a lump forming in his throat as he realized what he was truly saying. "Merlin," he whispered, staring at Lucius in horror. Lucius mirrored the expression.

"Don't say it, Severus, don't..."

"If you can't do that... then I don't want to be here."

Lucius' face fell. "You know I can't. My father would kill me. He'd kill you. The Dark Lord approves of my marriage, and my father would never do something contrary to His wishes."

"Nor would mine," Severus replied softly. It was over. They both knew it. They stared at each other. "I love you, Lucius."

"It doesn't have to be this way." Lucius tried one last time, but Severus just shook his head. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes, letting his anger toward the situation push his features into hardness. Lucius watched the change, and his own face hardened. "Fine, then," he said, the familiar Malfoy sneer coming into place. He nodded stiffly at the dark haired boy. Severus nodded back. Lucius walked away.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Present Day-

Severus was surprised to feel a few tears trail down his cheeks. Part of him cursed himself, thinking that if only he had tried harder, he could have found them both a way out. But mostly he knew better. There really was no way, he thought, feeling an unexpected sadness at the way his heart cried out. We would have been killed - and Lucius would have never gone to Dumbledore for help. Still, it wasn't fair, and even decades later, it still hurt. Gently he wiped his eyes, feeling very old and worn. After a moment, he rose and reached for his slippers - there would be no more sleep tonight - or rather this morning, he amended, since the sun had risen.

Padding over to the desk nearby, he flipped open a book and began rifling through his chest for ingredients. Potion making had always calmed him, and he often made complex and unusual things just for the delight of it. Soon he was engrossed in a Fortifying Tonic, his emotions re-balancing themselves as he methodically ground the oregano into a powder. He was so intent on the potion that, though he heard the door creak open, he did not register it, and belatedly realized that his godson was standing at his elbow, peering at the text before them.

"What're you making that for?" he asked.

"It's a good potion to test substitutions. The base is fairly stable, and relatively simple, so it's easy to identify the effects of different ingredients, and it's not likely to accidentally blow up in your face."

Draco laughed. "Your potions never blow up," he replied.

Severus smiled at his godson. "You'd be surprised at how many things in my life blow up," he replied, feeling a bit sad. He wanted to grab the boy and shake him, put the fear of death into him, lock him in the Hogwarts dungeon until the latest initiation had come and gone. Instead, he said, "hand me that goblet of water, would you, I need to thin this out a little." Draco complied, and they stood in silence for a while, one working and the other watching.

Finally Draco spoke again, in a much quieter voice. "I heard you and father last night," he said. "Are you angry with me?"

Severus bowed his head. He set down the white nettles he had been crushing and moved toward the bed, indicating that Draco should follow. "I'm not angry at all," he replied, only half-lying.

"You're disappointed, then. You don't want me to take the Mark." Draco had a knack for discerning the truth.

"I remain unconvinced that you are ready for it. You're still a child," he replied gruffly.

Draco took the tone in stride. "Well, we're not, hardly. Not anymore. I'm almost sixteen already, you know. Father was 16 when he got his. Most kids get theirs that age."

"I didn't. I was nearly eighteen before I made that decision."

"Father says you were too cautious." Draco said it matter-of-factly, and Severus nodded.

"I wanted to be sure," he replied. "I needed time to think about it." And a near-death experience to convince me that the other side didn't really want me, he added silently.

"Well, I am sure," Draco declared. The boy leaned over and gave the older man a hug. "I want you to be there," he said. "This is something I really, really want, and I want you to share in it."

Severus' heart clenched. _I shouldn't_ , was his first thought. _Albus will disapprove of me willingly participating in any recruitment campaigns_. He sighed and looked down at the young Malfoy. Draco's face was mostly impassive, a skill he had learned early on from his father, but his eyes showed the anxiety the boy was feeling. "Of course I'll be there. If it's important to you, it's important to me."

"Don't be maudlin," Draco replied, getting up. "I'll leave you to your potions."

Severus slumped over on the bed, burying his face in his hands. _Oh, Lucius,_ he thought, _Why did everything get so complicated?_ His potion forgotten, he let his mind drift back to their early school days, before Lucius took his Dark Mark, before any of it, when it was just furtive kisses and sweetness and promises of a bright future. How did everything get so dark?

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Present Day-

Lucius found him some hours later, still slumped on the bed, his Fortifying Tonic forgotten. "That's going to go sour, if you don't tend to it," he said. Severus just shrugged. "What's the matter, old man?"

A sudden fierce longing made its presence known in Severus' heart. Once, he had been able to trust Lucius; he had been able to tell him anything. He suddenly wished he could tell him where he really stood, what he really believed - who he really was. Instead, he settled for more of the half-lies he was so used to telling Lucius' son. "I'm sick of being deceptive," he said.

Lucius snorted. "So tell Dumbledore to sod off and leave that blasted school. Come back where you belong." Severus smiled bitterly.

"What, here?" he asked, "With you, and Draco, and the lovely Narcissa? Yes, I'm sure that would be a more suitable option for me. Honestly, Lucius!" Exasperation cut through his despondency. "Do you even think about the things you say before you say them?"

Lucius considered it. "I think about things a lot more than you give me credit for," he replied. He turned to the Potions master, touching his arm. "I think about you, for example, and about why you left me. I think about the possibility of anyone else ever touching you and it fills me with fury, and I finally understand why you couldn't tolerate being with me once my marriage was finalized. I think about what I could have done then - and what I'd like to do now."

Severus watched the blond man through narrow eyes. "What are you talking about?" He asked.

Lucius shifted so that he could look straight into the other man's eyes. "Once Draco takes the Mark, he'll be his own man - even if he isn't legally recognized as such until the end of the summer. Narcissa won't have any claim on him anymore - which means she won't have any claim on me." He paused to let the meaning of his words sink in. "I want to undo the damage I've caused, Severus, if you'll let me."

Severus stared at him. It was quite clear what he was being offered. Lucius' hand had settled on his arm, and it was warm, inviting, stroking in little, lazy lines up from the sharp angles of his fingers, turning his arm over, sliding up under the sleeve. The Potion's master gasped as those fingers traveled around the edge of his Dark Mark, maddeningly soft, tracing the contours of the tattoo that had not brought him any kind of pleasure in decades.

 _It would be easy_ , he thought. _It would be strategic. Voldemort would have no objection now that he's got Draco. Being closer to Lucius would bring me closer to Voldemort... the information I could learn...and it's been so long..._ all thought broke off in a wave of sensation as Lucius leaned down and replaced his fingers with his lips, licking and suckling. "Merlin," he rasped, and felt the other man smile against his skin in response.

"I wanted you to pay attention," Lucius replied. "You think too much." He sat up, pulling Severus to him, and began planting little kisses along Snape's jaw. Memory and reality collided, and Severus found that he was desperately aroused, his cock throbbing as tiny moans slipped past his lips without his intending them to. Heat and wet surrounded him as Lucius' hands traveled beneath his robes, pulling the clasps apart, trailing down his chest. "Beautiful," he whispered, sitting back to admire the dark haired man.

Severus snorted. "Hardly," he replied, leaning up to capture Lucius' mouth in a crushing kiss. They divested each other of robes and fell back upon the bed, Lucius pinning the thinner man beneath him, grinding their hips together.

"Say that you'll join me, Severus. Say that you want to be with me - that you want the world to know that you're with me." Lucius' eyes pleaded with him, and with a pang Severus realized that Lucius had been waiting and watching him and scheming for this - and now his plans were coming to fruition, and there was only one step left to take...

"Yes," Severus whispered. It wasn't going to work. This was never going to work. Severus didn't care. He arched into the other man, felt Lucius' fingers slip inside him, oily and searching, heard himself begging to be taken...

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was afterwards, as Lucius drifted, satiated, against his chest, that Severus began to think of the consequences. The implications were clear, and, Slytherin-like, he had made the most profitable decision for a man in his position. But his conscience betrayed him.

He sighed softly, sliding up. Lucius moaned and muttered, but didn't wake. Severus padded to the lavatory to splash some water on his face, and regarded his reflection in the ornate mirror. "What are you doing, old man?" he whispered. "He's on the wrong side!" His mirror image only shrugged in reply. In the distance, he could hear Pansy Parkinson shrieking with laughter as Draco took her on a wild broom ride, diving and winding through the Malfoy property. _Children_ , he thought again. Narcissa was somewhere down the hall, scolding a house elf. From the bedroom, Lucius made soft whispering noises in his sleep. _This is peace_ , he thought. It was unfortunate that it came at the expense of moralty.

A gentle scratching sound brought him back to the bedroom - an owl was hovering outside one of the windows. Moving silently, Severus let it in, unfurling the note tied to its leg.

'How are you enjoying your holidays?,' was all the message said. Dumbledore, wanting to ensure that everything was all right. Severus felt the momentary peace deflate. What was he thinking, taking a Death Eater lover? His heart felt like glass. What was he thinking, taking *Lucius* as a lover?! It was outrageous. He was only going to have to betray the blond man. There was no other way.

'All is well,' he wrote back, and sent the owl on his way. _All is well. All is well._ He laughed silently, contemplating his lot in life. For years, when he was younger, all he had ever wanted was Lucius back. He had watched the blond man move up the ranks of the Death Eaters, filled with longing. He had cried over Lucius' soul for long nights after turning to the Light, knowing that he could never have him. And now, when it was too late...

He shook his head. It didn't matter. It would lead where it would lead. "Severus?" Lucius called from the bed, sitting up, his blond hair feathered across his forehead. The name was infused with such desire that Snape couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter. He walked back to the bed.

"I'm here," he replied softly, sliding under the covers.


End file.
